Physical Health. People who forgive themselves often experience more energy, better physical health and are less likely to experience negative physical health symptoms. Healthy Relationships. Having a compassionate and forgiving attitude toward yourself is a critical component of successful social relationships.
Being able to forge close emotional bonds with other people is important, but so is the ability to repair those bonds when they become fraught or damaged. Life is too short to hold on to grudges and unforgive, and you might find out that the other person is just as willing and wanting to forgive as well. Keep in mind that extending the olive branch is strength, not weakness. Reduced Repeat Offenses. Self-reflection and accountability go a long way in understanding how our offenses could affect others.
Therefore, through awareness, we are probably less apt to repeat our negative behaviors. Lifting the Burden. Carrying a heavy or even light burden for too long can be emotionally and physically excruciating. Drop the burden. Dropping Guilt and Shame. Guilt and shame are no longer a part of you. The only thing looking back will do pull you back down into guilt and shame. Guilt, shame, or any other negative and self-defeating feelings have no place in your new life!
Forgive Yourself. The same basic rules apply when forgiving yourself, as with the steps to forgive others. Self-forgiveness is not about letting yourself off the hook, just like forgiving others is not letting them off the hook. Whether you forgive yourself or someone who has wronged you, the act of forgiveness does not suggest that you are condoning the behavior.
It means that you accept the behavior, accept what has happened, and are willing to move past it and move on with your life without ruminating over past events that cannot be changed. The great news is that self-forgiveness can be equally healing and therapeutic. Allow yourself to feel free to let the burden go! Maybe you left home in your early 20s and decided to completely cut ties with your parents, moving in with a best friend and creating a new and different family life.
And suppose your decision to leave was over a seemingly benign and innocuous reason like the difference in religious belief or your take on business or world politics.
And maybe now you regret the childhood family life you deserted. Forgive your mother and yourself. Look for a therapist to find treatment for yourself as you begin your journey of forgiveness.
The day is coming when the feelings of hurt and anguish will begin to subside. In all honesty, reaching out to your mother to reconnect and address how you feel may or may not be the best solution. It all depends on you, your situation, and the reasons behind your hatred.
Moreover, if you are interested in reconnecting with your mom to rid yourself of hatred or resolve the issue, you should have figured out why you hate your mom beforehand.
Reconnecting with your mom before you are in a good place can open up old wounds and make a bad situation even worse than it already is. Hatred can make you bitter and make emotionally exhausted.
Even if you still hate your mother, you have to figure out why, so you do not blame yourself. Getting to the bottom of an issue always proves to be helpful. Unfortunately, this is something that far too many people have fallen victim to.
There is a common belief that hatred is more harmful to the individual experiencing it than directed towards it. Essentially, holding onto hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The only way to free yourself is to let it go.
While the steps above can be helpful, you will often need to seek help outside of yourself to move in and begin to heal from these feelings. You can make an appointment with a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist; however, like most populations, you do not have the time to drive to weekly sixty-minute meetings to talk about your mother. Will you be going to college? If so then that is one way to get on a path to being independant and feeling secure. I hope my comment gave you some courage.
I believe in you and hope things will become better for you. I am 52 my mother is 72 so this comment, in theory could be a series! My mother lives with me, set up as temporary! She finally quit drugging and drinking!
However has lost any lust for life, our living arrangements are this my daughter and I love each other and have a healthy relationship! I think? Lol Anyway my daughter son in law and 4 grandchildren, bought a house all together, with detached studio for me! Look for a suitable place! Well without going into detail she fell off wagon and constantly being an annoyance with habits, and now falsely accusing me and my daughter of extortion?
And abuse with me! To move her out! I have a younger sister who will not get involved, at all no help! Once again I feel like that 16 year old girl who went to a foster home twice! Trapped and controlled by a terrorist! My mother! My younger brother wants my help with our 77 yo terrorist mother. Learn a lesson, never again. They keep asking me to pray and what i want will come true. My parents go out of their way to annoy me.
Like the other night, me and my little sister could not sleep, and I had to go to the bath room. The other bathroom is way down the other end of the house, so I went to my parents bath room instead. My little sister went with me, She is very clingy so i went to the bath room, I wanted to see what time it was, so I went over to my mums phone. MY mother never had an issue with us looking at her ohine to see what time it was, so I assumed everything would be fine.
I was so upset. I have to go back to my therapist again soon, and its going to be only my second appointment, but, the first time I went, she told my father that she thought I had a LOT of anxiety. I just want to play on the computer and all those fun stuff other kids do, but my mom never lets me.
If you are at risk of hurting yourself or others, please immediately call or go to the nearest Crisis Center or Emergency Room. My mom is so naggy and always invades my privacy. She believes she has some sort of right to do that. She does all of the above points.
I hate her! I can relate so much! When I try to talk to her all she does is stare at her computer screen and not even look at me. And whenever she tells my dad she exaggerates whatever I did to such an extent that he literally starts ignoring me!
I just want to get out of their house. She forces me to give up my phone to check it and then gets mad when I have a journal on there to vent about how much I hate her, it was her own fault for going on their in the first place! My parents never let me go out they have me locked up im tired of this is it legal for them to never let me go out like neverr im always locked up i cant even go in the backyard im so tired of this they always scream at me and hit me.
Same here. They scream at us all the time and expect us to still be happy and grateful for what we have in life. Whenever i do that, it feel pointless. Somehow i wish i could disappear from this house. And i also hate it, when parents can say bad words to each other when they got mad. Towards each other, or towards me.
And when i do the same, she will said the most hurtful things to me that has no relation at all from what i was saying. Am i being too much??? This is exactly how I feel. I just hate living so much. My parents are very similar when it comes to insulting me it comes to the point where they expect to lick the dirt they kick in my face. Eventually I asked him to be quiet over and over again which they somehow see as disrespectful. So he gets angry runs to his closet and grabs a belt and threatens to beat me which he does normally.
What do you think? You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, available 24 hours a day: Call Why would I be grateful for abusive parents? I will never be grateful for being in a dark room all alone as a child.
I want you to THINK before typing your selfish comment because many of us were beaten and insulted all their lives. Now I am 27 years old and I have problem with communicating with people. I have failed in life because there was nobody there for me when I was a child. I live in a corrupted country so I have to choose between ending my life or just throwing it all away just as my parents wanted.
Yes really! Before I take my life, I wanted them to know the truth. It takes death threats I guess. I may have prevented the 14 year old there from getting raped and they get her to turn on me?
I need help.. My parets keep a phone tracker that shows whatever I do. Me too, like the exact same thing. If I ever came back, life would just be even worse. Hi, this is to all the kids who are in abusive homes and want to leave. Focus on your dreams and goals. If your parents allow get a part time job and begin to save for your first apartment.
Focus on what you want to be and steps you can take now to get there. You need to learn to drive, afford a used but reliable car. Spend time at your career center. Consider college or trade schools. Do clubs with positive people…see if you can graduate early. This moment will pass in a blink of an eye. I know it is hard but do not lose sight of the life and relationships you dream of. I am sorry for all you have to go through and encourage you to find good supports, safe people to talk to and keep focused on your vision for your life.
My heart is broken reading so many kids share their struggles. I just like to think that the things they did to me to make me feel as terrible as i feel right now is for the best. So i never get to treat another human like that especially my future kids. My parents when I tell them that I'm sad because, of the kids in my class yelling and teasing me they just say ignore them but I can't and also my parents they hit me when I just mess up even for the most small thing they hit me with the belt or even a shoe or with wooden sticks it hurts real bad and my dad hit me on the wrist with a wooden stick.
I've been having enough I've been crying I've been screaming. And when we were moving my dad got mad at me and yelled and took off his belt and he started to pull me but i pulled back and I almost hit my head on my bed and i started to cry and pull back and be in the corner where my bed was. He just said to leave me there and I just cried looking at the floor with my tears dripping.
They always say get out from the house, they got drunk every night after got drunk they started yelling, shouting at me and thats why I also desperately want to leave their house but I am not getting any job, there is no any friends where I can stay for some time, I am not understanding what to do where to go,, I am in my worst situation…. Or even watch youtube and talk on discord without their permission. I know how you feel. Am sorry for you my mom picks on me and I even have to go to work when I am only 5 and my mom drinks and I now that is bad for her so now I have a better life with my step parents I have so much fun with them but I still love my mom a few years back when I was 5 now I have 12 my mom died and some people adopt me and I am safe and sound thank you to Alberto Rodrigez and Alicia Candelor Rodrigez thank you for your help.
I so desperately wish I could just die or cry over how miserable i m. Believe me, you are not alone. My mom also yells and slap me so hard that I would have scars everywhere. And she once threatened me that if I watched Dhar Mann, I would get slapped on the but 1, times and would not have screen time until I was She once even locked me for 1 hour and 47 minutes while my dad would be trying to get me out but she would say no.
My parents say they love me Well, only my mom. I have to EARN it from my dad. I try to get better. I try not to make the same mistakes. Everyone has. But to hold a grudge for over seven years is ridiculous. What should I do? I hate this and my sisters 3 of them know exactly how to get on my nerves. Sometimes this causes me to act out and my parents punish me for it. When I try to explain what happens they yell at me to be quiet and often belittle me.
One time that I remember was when I took a vacation to California with my dad, it ended with me going home early because I dropped something at the beach and was called worthless in front of a ton of people.
It has given me a small case of depression and I am thinking about seeing a therapist about it. So he hits me on the back which left me a red mark and even hurts when people put a little pressure. They want me to wear tight dresses. And they are always making jokes about me. And I said I did! And my dad stared at me and said are you sure? And I just stared at him and went to my room. I could hear my dad laughing.
I know that these problems I have are a little but I just wanted to tell you guys. Thanks for reading this and understanding. I feel like I talked to much. Thanks for sharing ur info!? I always dislike any teachers who scolds me too! In fact I have even sweared at them before!? Yes Daniel what you described definitely sounds like verbal and emotional abuse from your dad.
My heart is breaking to hear all of the sad stories here. I hope you all find a way to hang in there until you can safely get out. The kind of abuse I am reading about here definitely seems to be more prevalent in certain cultures and in families affected by substance abuse or spiritual abuse using religion as a justification for abusive behavior I am sending you all love and prayers or good vibes however you like to think of it.
One of my brothers started taking it out on me by sexually abusing me and threatening to kill me if I told. My parents only rarely engaged in physical abuse of us kids but you can bet that whatever one kid had to take they doled out to someone smaller and the mind bending amount of abandonment, manipulation, blame and toxic emotions in the home were off the charts so all of us rebelled as teenagers and they threw up their hands and gave up on trying by the time we became teenagers leaving us all to follow their example by plunging headlong into our own substance abuse issues.
We did not have smart phones in my time so we all just suffered in our own private mental hell. I am glad you are reaching out and expressing yourselves through forums like this and I hope and pray for healing and freedom from suffering for all children everywhere around the world.
Much love? I AM a grown woman,35, and I can not stand either one of my parents. My mother hates on me…is that normal? Shes always comparing us to one another and I hate that! My dad is a street dude, hes always looking for his next opportunity to use and abuse the system and getting money from the govt. They love to use me and tear me down. I think my parents seriously failed this mission and it breaks my heart.
I love ME more! Stay positive! That was a heart not a question mark at the end lol Also one more thing I want to say is that by the time I was14 I had attempted suicide twice but I cannot even tell you how grateful I am today that I did not succeed in those attempts and I promise that things really can get better. If you are feeling suicidal call or text one of those hotlines you keep seeing posted here.
Sometimes we just need a little understanding to help us through a really bad day. Hang in there and keep reaching out and talking to healthier people through the internet or any way you can.
Keep reading and learning and working on yourselves to be the kind of person you want to be and when you are free to go out on your own you will find so many opportunities for growth and change. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. Trueeeeeeeeee i hate them. My sister is an absolute angel. She always listens to them but yet they still ruin her day.
I would like my mom to no longer be talking to me right now I keep telling her to stop talking to me and she is and I would like her no longer to anymore. And that you will be locking your room to avoid your things being broken.. Hi, I know how you feel you should move out they will want you back but stay in your house that you bought. I hate my dad. Every time I do something bad instead of being nice he slaps me and he is traumatizing me.
I feel kinda weird talking about this to strangers. Its not my type of thing. Its just that i cant exactly talk to my mom because i love her more than life and my dad just sits there….
Like dear lord. How can one person be so rude, racist and every other insulting thing in the world. Then i am here, muslim name mind you, and i look at him like wtf.
He has such a short temper and its like living on a land mine. My mom loves him and hates him at the same time and they been arguing for years. I just dont understand how i turned out the way i am when i live with someone so selfish and mean.
His entire family sisters ect hate him and i feel like im a horrible person for hating him too…. He makes me feel like im less. And when my grades dropped during covid he made it as though i was stupid… literally.. I just want to be like every other 16 year girl who gets to go out with my friends but all of my friends come from different walks of life and from different religions and im afraid that he might offend them.
I know this seems stupid but he is a horrible person who like to put everyone down. He seems so happy when he can make someone elses life miserable. Or you could step back, and see that you might possibly not be perfect yourself, or at least have had some imperfect time periods in your life and they still love you, or otherwise tolerate your presence. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Maybe you will need them again one day, like you did as a baby and as a child. Will you be grateful then, simply because you can remember what they did for you when you needed help?
Do you expect people to be grateful when you help them? It is not all about where they messed up. For all the things you can not stand about your parents and mistakes they have made, how many things have they done right?
Life is hard. But it is harder alone. For every kid out there that hates there parents, there is one that wishes they had parents. Do you ever think about what your life could have been like without them? Not if you had other parents, but just, if they were killed in a car accident when you were too young to remember, and you had to live your whole life just imagining what having parents would be like? My mother does not know who my father is,because she was having sex with 2 bothers at the time..
I hate my mom so much. But i wish it was her who died. Yes, they fought a lot. But my dad never told me that I should be a top student, he picks me up after schools nd spends time with me even if I have a driver to pick me up and drive me to school.
He listens to me, and even if he can be strict, he knows me well. I love him so much. She wants me to be a Conservative, top 1 student, traditional, smart, kind, and innocent type of child. But Im the complete opposite. I used to be a top student, but that was only because my grandma always put the answers in my book with a pencil and lightly erases it. So, take charge and start by getting rid of shame and self-criticism. Stop punishing yourself for feeling numb.
It will only reinforce your numbness and send you into an endless cycle of sadness. Take some time to focus on yourself. What are your desires? What about your fears? What changes can you make starting today that will give you more meaning in your daily life and your future? Different activities have different meanings for different people, so set out to discover the best way for you to focus some well-deserved time on yourself.
Whether that means meditating, walking, journaling, painting, or taking a long drive through beautiful countryside, give it a shot. Try to do something that allows you the time and ability to do some critical thinking. Does it feel uncomfortable for you? For many people, it does in the beginning, but the more you practice giving yourself a little self-care, the more likely it is that a feeling of emptiness will start to dissipate.
When you eat an unhealthy diet, you are naturally going to feel unhealthy. After all, you are what you eat. Try to get enough sleep, too. It's a lot easier to slump into nothingness when you're mentally and emotionally depleted. Set boundaries or cut ties with any toxic people in your life, even if those toxic people include your mother. It will be easier to make room for people who fulfill you and bring happiness into your life.
When you don't have a relationship with your mother, Mother's Day, holidays, and other special occasions where friends are enjoying time with their mothers can be difficult.
Here are some ways to help you get through those times where you can feel the loneliest. Stay off social media channels a few days before and after Mother's Day. It will help avoid reading the things others say about their moms. Put filters on your email account to prevent Mother's Day ads from getting through, or simply empty the junk file without reviewing it first.
You can still celebrate Mother's Day by honoring someone who has been like a mother to you. If you have children of your own, take them out, and celebrate yourself.
After all, you have your very own holiday. Go out with friends and celebrate the fact that mothering is one of life's greatest gifts. You can even donate the money that you would have spent on Mother's Day to your favorite charity or cause. Although this can be challenging at first, you must recognize that your mom's issues are hers alone. You can't control what she says and does, but you can control your response to it. Verbally validate yourself by saying out loud, "I am worthy.
I don't need my mother's love or validation. Surround yourself with people who know your story and will understand your feelings about your mother. We are told that our relationships with our parents are supposed to be the most important relationships in our lives. Unfortunately, that's not the way things happen for some people. One way or another, it's worth a shot to work towards healing from a bad relationship with your mother.
A big decision in your healing process is to decide whether to include your mother. This is a personal decision that only you can make, and is the most important time in your life to trust yourself truly. If you feel like it will strengthen you to have her there, consider asking her to accompany you to a counseling session where a therapist can help you sort things out together.
Something that makes a big difference in answering the question about whether to include your mother is whether they've done their work in healing from abuse, substance abuse, or mental health disorders. Moms who have worked hard to work on themselves may be more deserving of a second chance. Always make the best decision for yourself based on your needs. This isn't an attempt to heal her from her issues, so don't feel obligated to ask her to join you on her behalf.
During sessions, don't feel obligated to protect her from the issues that brought you to this point. If you believe that it will be helpful for you to invite your mother to all or part of your counseling sessions, choose your time to bring up the subject wisely. Do it in person and pick a time when the mood is calm without any distractions. Try to anticipate her response and tell her that you have compassion for her and the things that led up to how she parented you.
Let her know that it's time for you to work on your healing. Assure her that it's not your intent to blame her or shame her, but that your only goal is to air the issue and move forward in an emotionally healthy way.
You can try to have healing discussions on your own, but a therapist will provide a safe space where both of you feel comfortable sharing in an honest, genuine way. If you think there's a possibility that you can heal from your wounded relationship together, it can be worth taking a chance on.
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